Its been too long. I dont know what it is that makes me take these unexpected hiatuses from writing...well thats not true its that I feel like I dont have anything worth saying..though the positive feedback Ive received proves the contrary. Its bittersweet each time I place the web address into my status bar on FBK and as it seems, lately the bitter has dominated my decision process. I come across in daily FBK browsing (which has significantly decreased after my last post) other people advertising their blogs and upon witnessing this my perfectionist element kicks in. An element Ive learned to turn down, even off in some cases, to be frank it was ruining my life. Ive instead learned aspire for what I deem rational and possible and to stay optimistic. Ive been much happier since doing so. But as someone on the road to ridding themselves of an addiction does, I relapsed..I relapsed and began to think what I released was insufficient because it was imperfect. Imperfect to the public, to those who've read, those who've complimented me, who've expressed envy over a talent I myself never knew I possessed. I left out my opinion, the most significant of all. I forgot to approach this the same way I learned to approach other elements of self expression. Fashion in particular. I used to dress well simply for compliments and to please others. I came across a quote while reading GQ last season I'll never forget: "the sartorial standard a man holds himself to is meant to please only him, others simply reap the benefits of his doing." The same holds true for the articulateness of my speech written or verbal. I hold myself at the level I currently reside for it is what I believe I should do and as I mature the level will increase...Wayne said something I related to:
See you have to understand the difference.
The difference between me and you is to you, this is your job.
To me, this is my life.
The club; that's my job.
The mall; that's my job.
Your neighborhood; that's my job.
This studio; this is my life.
This is what I do better than anything.
So why wouldn't I do this all the time?
Most people find it challenging to put their thoughts or feelings or questions on a page. Its easy for me. It wasnt always but it has become so recently. Its fun. I have a hundreds of thoughts running through my head all the time. Im always thinking about something. Most of them are smaller things but some of them are very important topics that I need to record when I address them. I analyze everything and every person I see down to the smallest element. I question them and look at the reasoning behind them, then put them in perspective according to how i view society. It's my nature, even when I dont look like Im doing it..Im doing it. It is what I do better than anything. So why wouldnt I do it all the time? I will only get better at it if i exercise this ability like a muscle, embrace it, let it flourish and mature with me. I dream of mastering self expression, achieving such a level of self knowledge that every word I utter need not be retracted under any circumstance according to myself or anyone else; that I live my life with a poise exhibiting this. And this is how it starts, by understanding myself and how I think, not being afraid or ashamed to inquire it, I can then attempt to understand the world around me.
I'll be addressing the following in my next posts:
My Change of Scenery.
Seinfeld.
True Blood.
How I'd Like to be Remembered.
The Sartorialist.
A Post From A Guest Writer Coming Soon.
Im back for good..
Ds&Ps
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